thirtyonetimes.

"the first sem is most important. whatever your grade is, you're gna spend the remaining years maintaing it at best" 
now that freaks me out, slightly. best. 

i cant exactly remember the emotions of the previous 18 years when i celebrated my birthday but this year, i really enjoyed it to the max. no kidding, there weren't any ciggs, nor drinks, no clubbing, getting wasted. nothing of that sort, but i experienced so much more. words would do injustice to describe how thankful i am.

Thank You God for family (i really believe my family rocks TTM; from the father to mother lek, to cher and cherina, and ok...titus)
for friends :)
for cell
for making me, me.

someone once msged me telling me that i'm greatly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved. i tried to comprehend that chunk and identified that with certain areas of my life.
today, i attempt to widen that scope of view- 
I thank God for every tear, for every joy, pain; the good and the bad because in every of such moment i am greatly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved.  
Every single breath i've breathed in the past 19 years of my existence gives me more than enough reasons to be thankful. 

Dear God, Your unwavering love astounds me. Your mercy, grace and Gentleness has made me great. Thank You for my family, friends,cell and making me, me.

see this? it's Yours. the best of the best part :) 
 

a conversation between 2 men. One of them is resting after fishing while the other is simply puzzled. 

Puzzled man: what are you doing sitting here and relaxing? 
Man with fishing rod in hand: I have caught my fish for the day so, i'm here enjoying the cool breeze. 
Puzzled man: enjoying? you should continue fishing; keep on fishing and sell the excess! 
Man with fishing rod in hand: and then? 
Puzzled man: and then you use the money from selling the excess to buy bigger boats and better equipment so you can catch more fish! 
Man with fishing rod in hand: and then? 
Puzzled man: and then you use the money from catching an extra batch of fish to hire staff, set up a proper system making the fishing process more effective. 
Man with fishing rod in hand: and then? 
Puzzled man: and then when you earn enough money from catching enough fish, you can sit by the sea, relax and enjoy the cool breeze. 

Perspectives are super costly. i dont want to have to pay for what i could not see, nor suffer for the lack of sight because pain is relative and so is happiness. 

a state of being;

to not have too much to chew that i should be dull or prideful, 
nor in lack that i should transgress. 
in You, i have all things. 
&for You, i contend. 

Teach me how to live. 

stale? life's supposed to be excitinggg. 

this sorta made my day. not an overstatement, neither is this vid that good so you can guess.. haha :) 

enjoy! 

i'm sticking to edison's approach, 
meet me at the finishing line, strong.
will You? :) 

a very sobering experience. 
all i concluded is, 
not there yet. totally not. 
is that really greater than a thousand battles, more important than waging a hundred wars? 
maybe.
if so, lead me. 

Janice: we dont want to have the form but not the power. 

i dont, i dont. 

 i. 

You. 

take me there, but i know You'd prefer to change me in order to bring me there. 
i yield;

been smelling old days and living it forward. 
really loving early mornings watching the sun rise (literally) 
its beautiful, and especially so with You. 
more therapeutic than shopping dramas or what have yous. 
school's weighing a ton. i know right, you cant carry the buildings. 
but it's good cos the King's still on my love-throne and that's all that matters. 
You make me smile so much, oh how i love You. 

the world can go and pass me by quickly but 
may i stay here, right beside you and watch, eternally watch the sun rise and set, the white clouds glide through baby blue skies and count the endless stars while hearing You name each one? 

no other place i'd rather be. 
Thank You again for SMU, for family, for friends, for You, for cell, for church, for people, for makin me,me. 
i'm so blessed, convinced i truly am. 

back to work! :) 

Everyday, i find myself having to make choices. choices to stop, to start, to continue, in spite and despite. choices that even by default, could potentially switch the path i'm on, the road i'm moving towards.

& i always have to remember:  

the past few weeks have passed very quickly, too quickly in fact. 
the pace in which i ran has out run me. but today, just 5 minutes ago, i paused; only because an object triggered memories. memories of all that i had experienced. of all that i had received. of all that i am. and i stood overwhelmed by the goodness that i've received, tasted, seen and understood. The more i think, the more i ponder, the more i recollect, the more humbled i am at what i was allowed to experience. my thank-list can surpass my wish-list, easily! and to be even able to compile both lists, i am grateful.  

when was the last time you paused time, jumped out of your scheduled routine to think and thank? 
the hardest arithmetic truly is to count blessings. but i am thankful not only for the blessings but every experience, the good and the bad; the successes and the failures that made me who i am. 

How can i thank You enough? 
You're altogether good, so good. too good. 
What a great God i serve!! :)

the walk along won't and hasn't been the easiest thus far, 
yet i'm standing my ground, yes standing my ground. 
because i know. Your Grace is sufficient for me. 

 forget about long term goals not because they're not important but that it creates the impression that time is in our hands; we do what we want whenever we want to. if you ever thought that way, like how i had, welcome to the deluded club. forget tmr, next week, next month. if there's something we'd die with regrets had we not done or said, then do and say.

what are you waiting for?
for the alarm to ring so you can snooze?
oh wait, where's the clock? 

what do i want to do before i die? 
what ultimately counts? 
what is the sum ambition of my life? 
what makes me smile? 
what makes me cry? 
what makes me, me? 
what makes a life worth lived? 
what is, life? 
is life lived once? 
is there a second chance? 
are regrets part of life? 
what is life? 

is pain part of life?without pain will we understand the absence of that which we term, happiness? 
is suffering part of life?without which will we be able to comprehend the joy of deliverance or easy living, life without bumps?
is poverty part of life? without it, will we be able to grasp how prosperity or the richness of life in every aspect feels? 

life. 

i just wrote that to trigger thoughts. 
i got mine roughly figured out. 
life, what's yours filled with? 

dont know why i landed on this site but when i re-read Ms G's posts, it brought back memories; happy memories of her always choosing to see the happy side of things. Not things that never was but things that not many can look into and look beyond, and for that and more, i respect her. see you soon, Ms G:) 

an extract from gatsr.blogspot.com  

There are ways to stay positive.

Sylvia Plath got it wrong ... She said, "Dying / is an art, like everything else. / I do it exceptionally well."

No, It is Living ...

Living is an art that like everything else ... we should strive to do it exceptionally well! 

Plath took the easy way out! Living is more difficult!

So why am I saying all this to you?
Lets get all this morbidity out of the way!
So I am a cancer patient and I am in hospice care. Get over it!
I am living! 
So you do too! 
Live! 
And while you live ... live your life right and spare a thought for others ...

The G- Thing!

i know you wont be reading this but, thanks so much for making your life count and choosing the more difficult and less travelled path of fighting the good fight, to the end. :)

 i want to be able to tell myself after every phase of my life, after every season that i've done all that i could.
 i want to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, "you couldnt have done more, good job". dont get me wrong, its nothing about the applause. Rather it's knowing that through life, the best was given, in every aspect, with every talent; every gift of life,every gift of trust. 
Ultimately, its being true to God, to myself. 

and i'm learning that in love, there is definitely discipline. 
the day you stop disciplining me is the day you dont love me,
the day i stop disciplining you is the day that i dont love you. 

Gotta love God and people more than emotional swings, circumstances and discomforts, 
Gotta. Grow up

to be a better Daughter, sister, friend, shepherd, cell-shepherd. 

in the process of; may need some slack. 

 there's something about ambition and drive that's scary yet a great asset if controlled and shaped by a Good pair of hands. 
in every strata of society, regardless of family backgrounds, financial situations, all of us are in search of our identity, a purpose in life and our place in this world and the talk w johnny today made me realise that ambitions and perhaps driving forces could act as either a propelling force causing you to surge forward in the right direction or it can just be a force that uncontrollably leads you to form distorted shapes of yourself that was never meant to be. 

i haven't found a perfect fit, and yes, i'm still learning to fail to learn. So as far as i can see for now, the kite theory works best; 
we take certain risks because there's more than one way of doing things right, including living life right, yet at the same time, as long as we are controlled and guided by a Good pair of hands, allowing us room to fail to learn and at the same time, pulling us back when we're moving slightly off track, guess we'd be able to capitalize on our ambitions and drive that seems to have be conversely related to age which'd hopefully bring us where we're good to go.
 

either way.
God,pls dont let go.   

 there comes a time in life when you decide to stop. 
to stop digging the trenches, to stop filling it with corruptible items, to stop being a heavy hole. 
and that time comes sometimes when you're so sick of the stench, so disgusted by the filth and very much done with everything that no longer is nor will be. 
then comes a start. and a continuation of. And every step, to count. 
but those stable steps started at the stop line like the terminal before a new starting point and an end before a fresh beginning. 
have you been there recently? 


start.